How do I date on the ace spectrum? | LGBTQ+ Dating Tips

There are plenty of misconceptions out there about folks on the ace spectrum - that they never have sex, don’t date, don’t seek out romantic relationships. But it’s called a spectrum for a reason! Many ace folks want healthy, fulfilling romantic relationships, and Lex is a great tool for finding them.

We’ve put together some advice for using Lex as an asexual person, since historically it’s been viewed as a pretty horny app - but it’s evolved a lot since the early days. With detailed profiles, group chats, post tags, and advanced filtering features, it’s now a wonderful tool for finding and connecting with other asexual people in your area. Whatever it is you’re seeking in the dating world, and wherever you are in your journey of understanding your sexuality, know that you are wonderful and worthy of love & affection!

Okay, enough of the cheesiness. Let’s get into our tips.

Connect with other asexual people

Discovering that you’re asexual can feel very isolating in such a sex-focused society. Getting connected with other ace or sex-averse people, especially those in the LGBTQ+ community, can be extremely validating before you start dating. The queer dating scene can feel particularly focused on sex, but when it comes to their relationships to sex, LGBTQ+ people are just as diverse as any other group of people, and they tend to be more open to ‘non-traditional’ relationship styles. A bonus of meeting other people on the ace spectrum is that they are also people who’ve been doing some serious introspection just like you to determine that they’re ace. Wherever they are on the spectrum, they’ll be eager to share their knowledge with you and make you feel less alone.

Using Lex is a great way to connect with other ace folks. Lex might have started out as a more hookup-centric app, but now you have the tools to use it however you like. You can exclude certain filters from the feed, enabling you to see a (mostly) sex-free, hookup-free feed if that’s what you prefer. You can also create or join group chats that cater to asexual or sex-averse folks, guaranteeing a space with other people who are just like you.

Be open and honest with your crushes and dates

Being asexual or sex-averse isn’t something to hide or be ashamed of! It’s your reality, and all the best dates and relationships start with honesty. If you want to start dating as an ace person, consider sharing as much as you're comfortable with on your Lex profile. You can choose multiple sexuality options on your Lex profile, or write in your own. Get specific! Asexuality is a spectrum, and by being clear on your profile, you take the burden off yourself to explain things to someone while you’re in the talking stage. Plus, if sex is super important to someone you want to date, but you don’t have any interest in having sex, that’s an important conversation to have as early as you can.

Something that’s great about finding dates on Lex, whether through group chats or posting in the feed, is that there’s very little room for confusion. The best posts are when someone is unapologetic about who they are and what they’re looking for, which benefits not only them but you when you’re considering sliding into their DMs.

If you connect well with someone who’s allosexual, being honest early on will make it easier to have open and direct conversations about the structure of your relationship. If you’re open to it, there are many different shapes relationships can take that allow everyone to get their needs met.

Be clear about what you’re looking for

On top of being honest about yourself, it’s critical to be super honest with yourself. Take some time to carefully consider what it is you’re looking for when you’re seeking out new connection. This is important for anyone when they start dating, but it’s especially the case for asexual folks. The reality is, we live in a hyper-sexual society, and many early-stage relationships have an expectation of sex woven into them. If that’s not something you desire, you’ll need to be prepared to advocate for yourself so you never face pressure to connect in ways that don’t work for you. Consider if you’re someone who never wants to have sex, or someone who’s open to it if the connections right. Are you game to date multiple people or someone who has multiple partners, or do you prefer monogamous romantic connections? Are you looking for dates, a long-term partner, or maybe romantic friendships? As queer people, the possibilities are literally infinite. We get to make the rules in our relationships! That can be freeing, but also kind of overwhelming.

Writing posts on Lex is great practice for naming what you’re looking for. You have options in your profile to express what you’re down for, and when you’re writing a post, you only have so many characters to work with. Get creative and have fun with it! Knowing who you are and what you want is attractive.

Put yourself out there

The only way to start dating is to start! Freshen up your profile with a cute picture, keep your bio open-ended with answers that invite questions and curiosity (yes, people WILL want to know about your 15-year-old kombucha scoby, how have you kept it alive this long??), and start getting active in the feed. Comment & react to other people’s posts, chat in group chats, and write a fun, engaging, earnest (or not) post to publish (make sure to tag your post so the right people see it!). If you’ve done the work to get to know yourself and understand what you’re looking for, your confidence will be magnetic. Fun, healthy connections are in your future! Go looking for them!

Use Lex your way

Make the most out of the tools you’re using to date! Lex has so many features that make connecting with other asexual people or potential crushes (whether or not they’re ace) easy.

Filter the feed to find your people

Since introducing tags on posts, you’ve been able to filter the feed by tags to see everything in your area tagged ‘Dating’, for instance. You can also choose to exclude certain content! If you don’t want to see content tagged ‘Hookups’, you don’t have to! This might make scrolling the feed more comfortable if you’re more sex-averse.

Join or start a group chat for support

Bond with other ace people in a group chat! Create a safe space to commiserate, give and receive advice, and make friends.

Max out your profile

Your profile is the first thing people look at when you start interacting with them - don’t hold back on filling it out! Say what you’re looking for while answering the profile prompts with engaging conversation-openers. Have fun with it!

Lex can be a great tool for connecting with queer community of all kinds. Friends, lovers, clubs, fellow fans of really niche TV shows - you name it, Lex has it. Your people are out there. Go find them!