Finding Your Perfect Queer Roommate: A Guide to LGBTQ+ Co-Living

For many people, living in community with other LGBTQ+ folks is essential. Living in a queer home with a sense of safety, community, and shared culture can really make or break how it feels to live at home - especially if you just moved somewhere new. But how do you go about finding local queer roommates to live with? We've put together some fool-proof tips on how to safely find queer people to cohabitate with, whether or not you have an established local queer network.

I've moved to several new cities over the last several years, and whenever I live with queer roommates, even if we aren't close, I always feel safer to be myself at home. There's just a mutual acceptance and understanding that's really important to me.

- Aubrey (they/them), Brooklyn, NY

1. Use online platforms like Lex to find LGBTQ+ Roommates

Finding a friend, partner, or roommate online is really par the course. Here are some online platforms we’ve found reliable:

• Share in your group chats or post in your close friends story on IG! You never know who among your friends might have a coworker or friend-of-a-friend who’s looking, and there’s a good change your queer friends have some other queer friends who could become queer roommates!
• Your local Queer Housing group on FB (trust us - it’s there!) Queer housing groups often have budget limits, and it’s a great way to find folks to fill rooms or an LGBTQ+ roommate to search for a new apartment with.
• Write an ISO (in search of) post on Lex! Use the housing tag to make sure your post finds the right people, and if you want to post in a new city before you’ve arrived, you can use the Lexplore feature!

Wherever you decide to post, make sure to be articulate some high level relevant information like desired neighborhood, budget, and number of bathrooms (we can at least hope to have our own, can’t we?). If you’re posting an image, like a poster, somewhere, take the time to make it full of personality so people get a quick impression of you and what you’re looking for.

2. Check out LGBTQ+ Community Events & Spaces to meet local queer community

Most queer people searching for community in a new city will at least do a quick Google search of LGBTQ+ spaces in their new area before or just after moving. If you have a chance to travel to your future city beforehand or are already there and looking for a new LGBTQ+ roommate, expanding your personal queer community first is a perfect way to naturally find future space sharers. Queer venues and bars are often gateways to the physical LGBTQ+ community in many cities, and, even if you (probably) won’t be going around introducing yourself as someone’s potential future queer roommate, it remains a really natural early talking point with people once you tell them you’re moving soon or new to the area!

Using a social media platform like Lex to share that you’ll be attending a bar or event for the first time and are looking to go with a friend is a great way to minimize the anxiety of attending a new space too. Some venues might even have boards or bulletins where you can post that you’re looking for a roommate. Be sure to include the same relevant budget and contact info that you would’ve included in your Lex post (the virtual bulletin board!). Plus, you can also check out group chats on Lex - use the group chat tag to filter your feed and find your people!

3. Use your local LGBTQ+ network to connect via word of mouth

Whether we realize it or not, we all have networks, both conventional and unconventional. You might worry that telling as many family members, coworkers, or friends (or FWBs) as possible that you’re looking for a queer roommate would come across as annoying, but it’s a very common experience that nearly everyone runs into at some point when moving to a new city or experiencing a sudden vacancy in their apartment. You can always use the spray and pray technique or you can tell a select few people who you know will truly understand you and your fabulously personal living needs. Whether you’re moving to Manhattan, NY or Manhattan, Kansas, LGBTQ+ people are everywhere and the queer network is powerful — use it!

4. Be clear about what you’re looking for in a queer roommate

Especially when you’re using other forms of social media, being clear about your search for a queer roommate can be imperative. But remember, just because someone understands your identity (or maybe identifies the same way that you do), that doesn’t necessarily mean that you have ideal shared living styles.

Many of us have specific styles of interior design (who doesn’t love an eccentrically erotic art piece!) and other goals for our shared space that not all queer roommate candidates are going to gel with. While many queer people may be more well versed in the diversity of relationships, living styles and lifestyles out there, you still want a roommate who gets and affirms yours! You don’t want a new roommate who is uncomfortable with your kinks, significant others, Rina Sawayama obsession, or ever-growing collection of crocheted beanies. Clearly outline your expectations, shared values, and any other essential details to attract suitable candidates.

Here are a few questions you can ask when you're looking for a LGBTQ+ roommate:

• How COVID-conscious are you?
• Do you smoke weed or cigarettes?
• Do you host parties a lot, or have friends over often? Is it okay if I want to?
• How clean do you like shared spaces to be, and what type of 'chore chart' do you prefer?
• Are pets welcome? Do you have pet allergies?
• Is this a sober space?
• What kind of music do you enjoy?
• How comfortable are you with kink and polyamory?

Whatever your priorities are, make them known! Finding the perfect queer roommate in a new city may take some time, but with persistence and the right approach, you can create a supportive living environment that enhances your overall experience in your new home.

Summing up our tips for finding a local queer roommate

Q: How can I find a queer roommate using online platforms?

A: You can utilize various online platforms such as social media group chats, local Queer Housing groups on Facebook, and specialized apps like Lex. Be sure to provide relevant details such as your desired neighborhood, budget, and preferences to attract the right people.

Q: What are some tips for networking within the LGBTQ+ community to find a roommate?

A: Attending LGBTQ+ community events and spaces is a great way to expand your network and naturally connect with potential roommates. Consider using social media platforms like Lex to share your attendance at events or bars, and don't hesitate to post on bulletin boards within these venues.

Q: Is word of mouth an effective way to find a queer roommate?

A: Yes, word of mouth can be a powerful tool in your search for a queer roommate. Don't hesitate to inform family members, friends, coworkers, or even acquaintances about your search. The LGBTQ+ community is vast and interconnected, so spreading the word can lead to fruitful connections.

Q: How important is it to be clear about my search criteria when looking for a queer roommate?

A: Being clear about your search criteria is essential to attract suitable candidates. While shared identity is important, it's also crucial to find someone whose living style and values align with yours. Clearly outline your expectations, shared values, and any specific preferences you have for your living space.

Q: How long does it typically take to find the perfect queer roommate?

A: The time it takes to find the perfect queer roommate can vary depending on factors such as location, availability of suitable candidates, and your specific criteria. Persistence and the right approach are key. It may take some time, but with determination and active networking, you can create a supportive living environment that enhances your overall experience in your new home.